Sunday, November 8, 2009

As The Stomach Turns Skit

ring, phony check

Lucille Lovelorn (guy), Philip Pharpar (holding picture frame), Franklin Pharpar (with ring and phony check), door (fist as doorknob), table (on hands and knees), telephone (person sitting on table, using arms as receiver), picture frame

(Narrator reads and kids or leaders act out and repeat their lines.)

Narrator: "And now, Young Life presents another episode in the continuing life drama, 'As the Stomach Turns.' Last time, luscious Lucille Lovelorn had spurned Dr. Preakbreak's advances because her precious Philip Pharpar would soon be graduating from law school and they would be married. Today's scene opens with Lucille standing next to the picture of Philip which is hanging on the wall of her apartments."

(Lucille is humming a happy tune to herself as she stares wistfully at her beloved Philip.)
Lucille: "Philip, I miss you so much" (as she caressed his cheek) "Hurry home to me." (Then, she kisses his picture passionately.)

(Suddenly, the telephone rings. Lucille prances to the table, picks up the receiver.)
Lucille: "Hello." (she smiles and says) "Oh, Gladys, it's you." (Then, she frowns darkly. Philip has found someone new. Philip had told Gladys to tell Lucille goodbye forever. Lucille slams down the receiver angrily and begin to cry. She run over to the picture of Philip and screams) "You loser."

(Then, she slaps the picture viciously, and begins to cry louder. She takes the picture of Philip and turns it to the wall and cries even louder. Then, she throws herself on the floor and cries louder. Suddenly, Franklin Pharpar, Philip's younger brother, approaches the door and begins to knock vigorously. Lucille gets up, straightens her hair and skirt, and jerks open the door. Franklin enters the room quickly.)
Franklin: "Lucille, have you been crying?"
Lucille: "What's it to you batface?" (Then, slaps him painfully across the face.)

(Franklin slams the door as viciously as Lucille had slapped him.)
Lucille: "I'm sorry." (Then, begins to weep upon his shoulder.) "Philip left me." (She sobs as she points to the telephone.)
Franklin: "Tommyrot" (as he steps back quickly.) "He does love you. He sent me with this for you." (Lucille gives a shriek of joy as she takes the ring from Franklin's hand. She then gives Franklin a big hug. She leaps to Philip's picture and spins it around to face her.)
Lucille: "I love you too, darling." (Then, she kisses his picture even more passionately than before. )

(Lucille begins to dance around the room with Franklin. Suddenly, the telephone rings again. Lucille hops to the phone and jerks up the receiver.)
Lucille: "Hello, hello, hello" (she sings.) "Oh, Philip, it's you." (But, then a frown clouds her face: he had found someone else, they were through. She slams down the receiver and angrily throws the ring to the floor. Then, she whirls and slaps Franklin.)
Lucille: "You are a liar." (Then, she jumps to Philip's picture.) "You are a worthless animal!" (Then she slaps his picture mercilessly. Then she wrenches the picture from the wall, and throws it to the floor.)

(Franklin drops to one knee and clasps his hands.)
Franklin: "But I love you , my flower," (he sings.) "And I have something more valuable than a ring for you, my pet."

(Then Franklin pulls a check from his pocket for the amount of _______. Here was the supreme gift. He wants to pay her way to . Lucille squeals with delight.)
Lucille: "What a lovely thought darling."

(They embrace happily. Then they walk over Philip's picture and out the door to their new life ahead.)

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The Brady Bunch Skit

costumes, paper bag with steaks, black makeup for black eye

Mike, Carol, Greg, Bobby, Peter, Cindy, Jan, Marsha, Alice, Tiger, Sam the Butcher, Table 1

In the kitchen Table 1 is there.

(Narrator reads and kids or leaders act out and repeat their lines.)

(Greg and Marsha walk in.)
Greg: "Marsha, you're a pig."
Marsha: "Well, so are you."

(Greg and Marsha say more insulting things... Then, they start hitting each other... Alice walks in.)
Alice: "Stop! Try to be good!"

(Marsha and Greg begin to hit Alice... Mike and Carol walk in.)
Mike: "You kids stop that fighting right now or we'll make you sleep in and not go to Campaigners this week."

(Kids immediately stop. They look penitent. Alice also.)
Carol: "Now, that's better! Why can't you kids behave more like _______ and _______, your Young Life leaders?"
Mike: "Well now Carol, even we aren't that good."

(Everyone shakes their heads and nods in agreement. Bobby and Cindy and Tiger come in (Tiger on all fours).)
Mike and Carol: "Hi kids!"
Bobby and Cindy: "Hello Mom and Dad."

(Tiger wags his tail, barks, licks Mike and Carol on their hands. Mike and Carol pat his head. Tiger goes under the table where he rolls out his tongue and pants loudly and happily. Sam the Butcher comes in with Peter and Jan. Jan holds her hand over her left eye.)
Sam: "Hi everyone."
Everyone: "Hi Sam!"
Sam: "Here's your steaks!" (Sam holds the steaks up.)
Alice: "Oh Sam, you're a fine man!" (Gives Sam a hug.)
Sam: "You're a fine woman." (Gives Alice a kiss.) "Say Alice, let's get married."
Alice: "OK!" (Everyone cheers.) "But maybe we should first ask the Young Life leaders to make sure it is a really good idea."
Bobby and Jan say: "Oh, good idea!"

(Everyone nods and murmurs in agreement. Suddenly, Tiger grabs a steak from Sam and hides under the table. Sam bellows and jumps onto the table and tries to reach Tiger. Tiger shoots out, runs around all the people with Sam in pursuit. Tiger runs to Jan and gives her the steak for the black eye she just happens to have.)
Jan: "Oh Tiger, you're wonderful!" (She hugs the dog and covers it with burning kisses. Tiger licks her face.)
Bobby: "Yes, you're the best dog there ever has been." (He hugs the dog and pats him on the head. Tiger licks Bobby's hand.)

(Mike puts his arm around Carol)
Mike: Because you're all so good, I'll take you all out to dinner and then we'll go to a Pistons playoff game and afterwards we will all go out for ice cream where I'll give you keys to new cars."
Carol: "Oh Mike, what a good idea! What good parents we are!"

(However, all the kids look glum and groan.)
Mike and Carol: "What's wrong?"
All kids: "But parent, there is Young Life tonight and we don't want to miss it!"