Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Leaving Home Skit

chair, newspaper, coat, suitcase

man, woman

The man sits in a chair reading a newspaper. A woman enters with a coat on and carrying a suitcase. She is apparently very upset. The man in the chair could care less.

Woman: "I’ve had it! I’m through! I’m leaving this crummy rotten house and all these crummy kids and going home to mother! I’m sick and tired of ironing, mopping, and cleaning up after you day in and day out! I tell you, I’ve had it! No more! I’m leaving and don’t ask me to come back because I’m leaving for good!" (sobbing) "Goodbye!" (She stomps out of the room).
Man: (somewhat bewildered, turns to and offstage room and yells) "Alice, dear! The maid just quit!"

Witch Skit

black hat, dress, long crooked nose, scraggly wig, broom

witch, good-looking guy

One is dressed up like a witch and the other guy is an average but good-looking young man who is extremely depressed and is about to commit suicide. As the skit begin, we find him ready to "end it all."

MAN: I can’t take it any longer! I've lost my family, my job, my friends, and my house burned down. Life is not worth living! I’m going to end it all right now.
WITCH: (Enters and speaks in a squeaky voice.) What are you doing, young man? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. (and other witch sounds)
MAN: Life just isn't worth living. I've lost all my friends, family, job, and all my possessions, and now I’m going to jump off this cliff and end it all.
WITCH: Oh no, don’t do that!
MAN: Why shouldn't I?
WITCH: Because, tee-hee, I’m a witch with magic powers and I can give you back everything you lost and more! I’ll grant you three wishes! Tee-hee-hee! Three wishes!!!
MAN: You mean that you can give me three wishes? Wow, that’s tremendous! I wouldn't have to end it all! Wait a minute. How do I know that your are telling me the truth? How do I know you are really a witch.?
WITCH: Of course, I’m a witch. Don’t I look like a witch? Ha ha ha ha hee hee hee. I’ll give you your three wishes in exchange for one small favor.
MAN: One favor? (skeptical) I knew there must be a catch. What do you want from me?
WITCH: Three kisses. It’s a fair exchange. Three wishes for three kisses!
MAN: I think I’ll just jump away
WITCH: Think of all you’ll be able to wish for in three wishes!
MAN: (He finally decides to go ahead with it, so he takes the witch in his arms, and begins to kiss her. After each kiss, the young man makes repulsive gesture, spitting each time. Extreme distaste is shown after the last kiss and with it a great sigh of relief. The witch on the other hand, shows extreme enjoyment with each time she is kissed). Okay, now that that is over, I want my three wishes.
WITCH: First of all, tell me how old you are sonny?
MAN: (He tells her his age.)
WITCH: And you still believe in witches at that age?? Hahahahaha-hehehehe (exits laughing to herself).

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Hamburger Skit

table, chairs, apron, plate of food, hamburger, fake hair

customer, waiter, cook

The cook wears no shirt, only the apron. A door near table to the "kitchen," offstage. The customer enters the restaurant and sits down. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. The waiter brings out his hamburger.

The man starts eating his hamburger and finds a hair in it; complains to waiter and another one is brought out. The second hamburger also has a hair in it and is taken back.

The third hamburger also has a hair in it.

The man gets upset and demands to see the cook.

The cook comes out and the man asks him how he makes his hamburgers.

The cook says that all he does is roll the meat and demonstrates making patties by placing the meat under his arm and squeezes.

Little Red Riding Hood Skit

red raincoat with a hood, red scarf, black costume, basket, towel, toy gun

Little Red Riding Hood, wolf

Little Red Riding Hood is dressed in the raincoat with hood and scarf and the wolf is dressed in black. Little Red has a basket covered with a towel. Inside the basket is a toy gun. Little Red skips into the room with her basket...

RED: (to audience) I'm Little Red Riding Hood and I'm going to Grandma's house with this basket of goodies! (skip around the stage area)
WOLF: (jumps in front of Red) Boo!
RED: EEK! EEK! Boy are you ugly!
WOLF: I'm the Big Bad Wolf and I'm going to eat you all up!
RED: But I'm just poor Little Red Riding Hood and I'm going to Grandma's house with this basket of goodies. You wouldn't want to disappoint poor old GranCheck Spellingdma now would you?
WOLF: You got a point there. I'll let you go this time. Maybe I'll run into the three pigs somewhere along the way.
Riding Hood skips off around the room and the wolf turns to the audience and says:
WOLF: Ha Ha Ha, what Little Red Riding Hood doesn't know is that I'm going to beat her to Grandma's house. I'll take a shortcut through the strawberry patch... sort of a "strawberry shortcut..."

The wolf gets under a blanket on the floor and Riding Hood arrives.

RED: Knock! Knock!
WOLF: Who's there? (in a high voice)
RED: Yah!
WOLF: Yah-who! Ah, just come an in already.
RED: Hi, Grandma. Gee, what big ears you have Grandma.
WOLF: What? Oh, yeah... all the better to hear you with, my dear, heh-heh!
RED: And what big eyes you have Grandma.
WOLF: All the better to see you with, my dear.
RED: And what big nose you have, Grandma.
WOLF: All the better to smell your goodies with, my dearie.
RED: And what big teeth you have Grandma.
WOLF: (jumps up out of the blanket) Yeah! All the better to eat you with...!

Riding Hood pulls the gun out of the basket and shoots about six shots into the wolf.

WOLF: (staggers, falls to his knees) Well folks, the moral of this story is..."Little girls just ain't as dumb as they used to be."(falls down)

The Psychiatrist

couch, chair, psychiatrist costume

psychiatrist, patient

The scene is the doctor's office. The skit begins with a knock on the doctor's door, and he answers it.

MAN: Oh, ah, hello there... are you Dr. Kaseltzer, the psychiatrist?
DOC: Yes I am, and that will be 20 dollars. What other questions can I help you with?
MAN: Well my name is Mr. Gaspocket... I have an appointment.
DOC: Oh yes, what's the nature of your problem?
MAN: Well I'm trying to break - bark!- a nervous habit.
DOC: Well, maybe I can help you.
MAN: Thanks, doc. - bark!
DOC: How long has this been going on?
MAN: Oh, ever since I was a teenager - bark!
DOC: Hmmm... Think back. Did a vicious dog ever frighten you?
MAN: Huh? I don't get it.
DOC: Well, these problems can often be traced to a single event.
MAN: No. This is just a -bark!- nervous habit.
DOC: Have you ever tried to break it?
MAN: Oh yes! I've tried lots of things, such as wearing gloves.
DOC: Wait a minute. You've tried wearing gloves?
MAN: Yes, well, you know, I thought if I would start wearing gloves, I might stop biting my nails.
DOC: Biting your nails?
MAN: Well, yes. That's the nervous habit I was telling you about.
DOC: You mean you came to see me just because you bite your nails?
MAN: Well, certainly. What else- bark!- what else in the world - bark!- would I have on my mind?
DOC: Maybe you should lie down and tell me all about it.
MAN: Well, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
DOC: That's all right, I don't mind.
MAN: Well, all right. You see, one reason I get nervous and bite my nails is -bark!- because of my mother.
DOC: Your mother?
MAN: Well, she always makes sleep on a bunch of newspapers down in the cellar. Somehow, she got this crazy quirk, you know, she got it in her mind, now you won't believe this, but she got to the point that she imagined that I went around the house, now listen to this, that I went around the house barking like a dog!
DOC: You think she imagined this?
MAN: Well, I know she did, you know, she finally wrote to a doctor about me... a Veterinarian.
DOC: Oh really? And what did he say?
MAN: I don't know. I never let the mailman near the house. -bark!
DOC: This goes deeper than I thought. I'm going to try the word association test. I'll say a word and you say the first word that comes to your mind...Table!
MAN: Chair.
DOC: Ball.
MAN: Bat.
DOC: Flower.
MAN: Rose.
DOC: Cat.
MAN: Bark!
DOC: Dog Catcher.
MAN: Bark! Bark! Bark!
DOC: I'll tell you what. This is going to require some consultation. Why don't you come in next Thursday?
MAN: Oh, no, Doc, couldn't you make it another day? I don't want to miss "Lassie."
DOC: Okay. How about Monday night around 7:30?
MAN: Nope, that's Young Life night.
DOC: Okay, let's make it Tuesday. Good day, sir.
MAN: (exits) Bark! Bark!

Human Rice Krispy Treat Game

marshmallow cream, Rice Krispies cereal

Get kids to cover leaders in marshmallow cream. Kids then shoot Rice Krispies through their noses at leaders.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Stand In Skit

beret, scarf, dark glasses, camera, sack of flour, powder puff, white costume, 2 chairs, bucket of water, bar, glass of milk, pie

director, camera man, make-up man, hero, beautiful girl, bartender (or soda jerk), the sucker (the stand-in)

The director wears a beret, scarf, dark glasses, etc. The camera Man has a "movie camera" of some kind. Try using an old fashioned meat grinder on a tripod to look like a camera. The make-up man has a sack of flour and powder puff. The hero is dressed in white.

The skit begins with an apparent movie-making set-up. The hero is sitting in a chair, next to the girl, getting ready to kiss her, and the camera man is moving around taking pictures, the director is directing the action. The sucker, apparently intrigued with the whole thing, as he has never seen a real movie set before. He walks in front of the "camera" and interrupts the action.

Sucker: Wow, a real movie. I wish I could be in a movie
Director: (in rage) CUT! CUT! You! Get out of here! You've just ruined a perfect take! Beat it! Scram!
Sucker: (runs off disappointed) Shucks. I sure wish I could be a movie star.
Director: (thinks a second) Hey! Wait a minute! You! (points to the sucker) Do you want to be in a movie? I think we can use you! (he whispers to the hero something and they both smile.)
Sucker: (overjoyed) Really! Wow! I'm a star! Oh boy! Where do I start? Where are my lines?...
Director: Just wait a minute and we'll show you.

The action continues, and the hero sits again by the girl, says a bunch of mushy things to her, and then starts to kiss her. When he does, she brings back her hand to slap the hero's face...

Director: Cut! O.K., bring in the stand-in! (The sucker takes the place of the hero in the chair) Make-up! (The make-up man comes in and throws a bunch of flour in the sucker's face.) Action!

The sucker starts to kiss the girl and she slaps him across the face so hard that he falls over backwards in his chair.

Director: Cut! Great! All right let's have scene two...Action!

The hero crawls along the floor, crying "Water, water, give me some water..."

Director: Cut! Bring in the stand-in! (He comes in and takes the hero's place) Make-up! (Make-up man throws more flour in his face.) Action! Roll-em!

The sucker crawls along the ground and yells "water." An off-stage helper brings in a big bucket of water and dumps it all over him.

Director: Cut! Perfect! All right, let's have scene three...Action!

The hero walks up to a bar and orders some milk. The bartender gives him some milk and he drinks it. Then he orders some pie.

Bartender: Do you really want some pie?
The hero: Yeah, give me some pie.

The bartender reaches for some pie...

Director: Cut! Bring in the stand in! (The sucker enters looking pretty bewildered at the whole thing)... make up... (He gets more flour in the face)... action!

The sucker stands at the bar, demands the pie, and the bartender throws the pie (big cream pie) in his face.

Director: Cut...Perfect... Tremendous! ... Well, that's it for today!

Everybody leaves, leaving the stand-in with a puzzled look on his face. He shrugs his shoulders and walks off stage.

The Bucket Trick Skit

bucket, rice or confetti, dipper, water, glass

announcer, volunteer

This is one you play on the entire group. You need one helper. Announce that you have a bucket of water from the fountain of youth (or any story that you want to make up). Have a volunteer take a drink of water (he is your clued-in helper).

The bucket is brought in, and the audience can't see inside it, but it is really a bucket of rice or confetti with a dipper sticking out of it. Inside the dipper is some water. The outside of the dipper must be dry so that no rice will stick to it. You take the dipper out of the bucket, pour the water into a glass, and the volunteer drinks it. He waits, starts acting like a two year old, grabs the bucket, and throws it's contents all over the audience.