Wednesday, October 27, 2010

You Were Lucky #3 Skit

3 chairs, 3 cups

Theule, Becky, Werf

Theule, Becky, and Werf sitting in the Old Time Diner, drinking coffee.

Theule: You know, 30 years ago we would have been lucky to have a cup of coffee. Cold coffee. Yes, without sugar or milk — or coffee. In a cracked and filthy cup. We used to be so poor that we would drink coffee out of a rolled-up newspaper.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To have a newspaper, we used to have to suck our coffee out of a damp cloth. We were poor but we were happy, we were happy because we were poor.
Werf: My daddy said that dollars would never buy happiness, but that’s because he never had any money that dirty beggar. When I was a kid, we used to live in a house with big holes in the roof.
Theule: You had a house? You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes Lucky! We used to live in a bottle cap, 23 of us in the middle of Lake Michigan.
Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! When I said it was a house, actually it was a room — all 36 of us, and we had only half a floor. We had a big hole in the middle of the floor and we used to huddle next to the wall for fear of falling in.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used to live in a hallway.
Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used to live in an abandoned septic tank in the middle of the garbage dump.
Werf: You lived in a septic tank? You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We lived in a paper sack in the bottom of a toxic waste dump. Every morning we would awaken to nuclear waste being dumped on us until we glowed.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! Actually the hallway I was telling you about was no more than a hole on the ground covered with twigs.
Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We were evicted from our hole. We had to live in the bottom of the lake.
Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To live in the bottom of the lake. There were 150 of us in a shoebox in the middle of the road. We dreamed of living in a lake.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! To live in a shoebox. We lived in a brown paper bag. All 300 of us! Got up at 6 a.m. and ate a crust of stale bread, and worked in the muck for 12 hours. When we got home Dad wold beat us and put us to bed with no dinner.
Theule: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We used to get up at 3 a.m., strain the lake clean with our teeth, eat up a cup of hot gravel, work 15 hours in the muck, and when we got home our Dad would beat us about the head and shoulders with a broken beer bottle and use us for kitty litter.
Werf: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! We dreamed of that! We used to live in a rusty tin can in the middle of the road. One hour after sunset we would clean the road with our tongues, eat a handful of cold gravel and work 20 hours in the muck with no pay! When we got home our Dad would cut us up with a gensu knife and use us for cheese fondue.
Becky: You were lucky! (Lucky?) Yes lucky! That was luxury. We used to get up in the morning at 10 at night — which was a half an hour before we went to bed — eat a hunk of dry poison — work 29 hours a day in the muck and when we go home our parents would kill us and dance around our grave singing, "Glory, Glory, Hallelujah."
Theule: But you tell that to the kids today and they simply don’t believe you.

Abdul The Magnificent Skit

paper, pens, box


This is a mind reading skit which, when done right, is downright spooky. Give each person a slip of paper, and ask them to write out their greatest ambition in life. The slips are then folded, collected, and "Abdul" (who should be dressed appropriately) proceeds to perform the task of reading the sentences to the group without opening the papers.

How is it done? Abdul also puts one slip of paper in the box along with the others, only he puts some kind of identifying mark on his. When the reading starts, he picks one of the slips from the box, rubs it on his forehead without opening it, and offers any sentence as a guess as to what is on the paper. He then looks at the paper, and to his dismay he is wrong, but that will soon be forgotten. He can blame it on the fact that the "spirits" aren’t quite right yet, but that the next one should be better.

It’s important not to dwell on this mistake long. Just get on with the next one. It’s also important not to reveal what was actually on the paper guessed incorrectly. Just get ride of it and go on.

Another slip of paper is held to the forehead, and Abdul then repeats the sentence that was actually on the previous paper. After rubbing his forehead, he opens this second slip of paper, confirms that he is correct and asks the person who wrote that sentence to identify it. Everyone is impressed. Another paper is drawn and again, Abdul repeats the sentence that was on the previously opened slip.

Each time he opens up a slip of paper to see if he is "correct" he is actually learning the next sentence. The important thing is to stay one slip ahead. When he comes to his own slip, which has been held until last, he repeats the sentence on the previous slip, and that takes care of all them. If this is done smoothly, it will really baffle the group.

Creativity Test Skit

couch, chair, Rohrshach test

Mr. Tolson (nerdy computer person), Dr. Roberts (psychologist)

Mr. Tolson is knocking at the door on the door of Dr. Roberts the in-house psychologist.

Dr. Roberts: Mr. Tolson
Mr. Tolson: Are you Dr. Roberts?
Dr. Roberts: Yes, come in. Please have a seat. Sorry to have to call you down here on such short notice, but your company asked me to give you a creativity test.
Mr. Tolson: I’ve never taken one of those before
Dr. Roberts: Well, they’re pretty easy. Actually, they can be fun. Would you like a beverage?
Mr. Tolson: I work in the computer center on the 17th floor. We just got a new computer in and they put it in the back of the center. And all I did, I told them that they should put it up in the front of the center, so more of the people could get to it, but they didn’t.
Dr. Roberts: Fascinating. Okay, the first test that we’re going to do is called a word association test.
Mr. Tolson: I don’t know what that is.
Dr. Roberts: Well, it’s pretty simple. I’ll give you a word and you say just whatever you can think of.
Mr. Tolson: Well, that sounds easy.
Dr. Roberts: Great! Okay, well let’s start. First word, "shoe".
Mr. Tolson: shoe
Dr. Roberts: "rabbit."
Mr. Tolson: (long pause) Rabbit
Dr. Roberts: Trunk
Mr. Tolson: truck
Dr. Roberts: Okay, you’re just saying the words that I’m saying.
Mr. Tolson: I know, but when you say the word, that’s the word that I think of.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, it’s my fault then. Let’s try again, only this time I want you to change the word.
Mr. Tolson: Okay, so not just the same word.
Dr. Roberts: Great. You’re catching on. Okay? Next word "hat"
Mr. Tolson: Hatssss.
Dr. Roberts: "moose"
Mr. Tolson: Meese.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, now all you are doing is just pluralizing the words that I’m saying.
Mr. Tolson: Yeah, but they’re different.
Dr. Roberts: Yeah, they are different, but that’s not what I want. Okay, let me give you an example. Why don’t you give me a word.
Mr. Tolson: I give you a word
Dr. Roberts: Yeah, any word.
Mr. Tolson: "Word"
Dr. Roberts: Fine, Uh, that makes me think of "constriction" (folds arms across chest in a constrictive manner). Don’t worry you’ll catch on. Let’s try it again. Okay, "trumpet"
Mr. Tolson: "Constriction" (folding arms in same manner)
Dr. Roberts: "Scarf"
Mr. Tolson: "Moose"
Dr. Roberts: "Cat"
Mr. Tolson "Scarf"
Dr. Roberts: All right, now you’re just using the words that I’ve already used.
Mr. Tolson: Well, you didn’t say that I could use them up.
Dr. Roberts: Well, you can. Okay? Why don’t we just move on to another test.
Mr. Tolson: They got this new computer up in the computer center and I just told them they should put it up front, but they put it in the back.

Dr. Roberts: That’s fascinating. Okay? Look, uh, for this next test I’m going to start a sentence and I want you to complete it, okay?
Mr. Tolson: So all I have to do is finish it. Okay, all right. Well this one sounds easy.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, great. Now here is the first sentence. When we went to the park we were going to.......
Mr. Tolson: period.
Dr. Roberts: Okay, look, you have to add some words to it. Okay? Squeeze some words between the period and the other words all right. Let’s try it again. Let’s do another one. Jerry had a wonderful red balloon and he took it to....
Mr. Tolson: His friend Jerry...who also had a red balloon...and liked to add words.
Dr. Roberts: Look Mr. Tolson, I need you to come up with some answers on your own. Okay?
Mr. Tolson: We got a computer and they wouldn’t put it in the front and.....
Dr. Roberts: Look, I heard you the first time.
Mr. Tolson: Are you angry at me?

Dr. Roberts: No, Mr. Tolson, I’m not angry at you. Let’s move to the next test all right. This is called a Rohrshach Test. What it is, is some people took a piece of paper and put some ink on it and folded it. What I need you to do is look into these ink-blots and tell me what you see. (Holding up ink blot) Now, what do you see here Mr. Tolson?
Mr. Tolson: A black smear.
Dr. Roberts: Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. I need you to look into it and tell me what you see.
Mr. Tolson: (Looking at the Dr.’s shoes) I see black shoes.
Dr. Roberts: That’s good, I could see that.
Mr. Tolson: (looking at the Dr.’s tie.) I see a brown tie.
Dr. Roberts: Um hum, good, good.
Mr. Tolson: (Looking at the wall) I see a diploma from .
Dr. Roberts: That is enough Mr. Tolson, you will not leave this office until you tell me what you see in this.
Mr. Tolson: I don’t want to, I don’t want to.
Dr. Roberts: Look, I’m going to make you use one creative bone in your body if it’s the last thing I do. Now look at this and tell me what you see. Tell me.
Mr. Tolson: I see a dog. (struggling)
Dr. Roberts: Good.
Mr. Tolson: And it’s on a log. (continuing to struggle)
Dr. Roberts: Good, go with that.
Mr. Tolson: And the dog is a terrier...and it’s rabid... and it shakes its head back and forth in meaningless anger.
Dr. Roberts: Good, good, good.
Mr. Tolson: And foam sprays from its mouth and we follow this droplet of spit down to see where it lands on a symmetrical lawn and the drop of spit slowly transforms becoming a flaming brass eagle holding the Magna Carta in its claws. This eagle takes flight and soars over the (spit) gray convulsive Atlantic Ocean. (lowering voice) It flies low by the choppy waves a massive shimmering sea bass leaps up and it snatches the Magna Carta. But the sea bass is served to the family of Long John Silver’s restaurant. And as the family devours the fish the father is transformed. His eyes glow wolf-yellow, he starts at his claws and a massive crowd gathers around and he screams wildly into the night sky. "Where is the passion?" ""
Dr. Roberts: (stunned) I’ll see what I can do about getting those computers moved.
Mr. Tolson: Yeah, on the 17yh floor and they put it in the back.
Dr. Roberts: Sure, okay.

Boys In The Sandbox Skit

3 dolls, envelop of tickets

3 young boys, 3 young girls

One boy says "Hey, I hear there’s some new girls in town! Yuk, gross, etc." "We hate girls."

Then the girls come in with hair in pig-tails and carrying dolls. The guys abuse them with, "Is that your face or did a ferret crawl up your collar!" etc.

After a few insults the girls get upset and say, "Well if you don’t want to play with us we won’t share our tickets to the Final Four!"

The guys go crazy apologizing . "We’re sorry! We didn’t mean it. We’ll be nice!"

Then the girls get together and conference and decide "OK you can come with us, but first you have to play house!"

The guys get together and you hear, "Play house, we’d rather die, or have scabies! No way!" Until some one distinctly says "final four!" to which they all nod and come out and openly agree.

The girls conference and then decide guys all have to carry dolls. The guys go through the same and finally agree.

The girls say, "You have to hold our hands". The guys finally comply. Then the girls give an envelope with tickets. The guys tear it open to find the final four tickets to the Barbie Doll Beauty Pageant. Each boy and girl exit holding hands and boy crying.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Blind Date Skit

table, 2 chairs, 2 plates, 2 glasses, utensils

guy, girl

A guy and a girl are on a date. He realizes that she is actually blind, so starts doing all sorts of crazy things, finally she tells him that she’s only blind in one eye (or color blind).

Park Bench Fishing Skit

bench, fishing pole, magazine

old lady, old man, park officer

An old lady is sitting on a park bench pretending like she is fishing. There is a man at the other end reading a magazine and minding his own business. A park officer comes by and tells her she has to stop a couple of times. Finally he tells the old man to get her out of there. The old guy looks perfectly sane but then he pretends the park bench is a motor boat, acts like he is starting it and riding away.

Toothpaste Commercial Skit

toothpaste, toothbrush, glass of water

4 leaders

Leader 1: "I like this toothpaste because it whitens my teeth."
Leader 2: "I like this toothpaste because it freshens my breath."
Leader 3: "I like this toothpaste because it fights cavities."
Leader 4: "I don’t know about the toothpaste but I sure like the water."

Everyone uses the same toothbrush and gargles with the same glass of water. The last person drinks the glass of water.

This skit is banned by Young Life. It's only noted here so you know what it is and that it's banned. (Please see:

Mr. No Depth Perception Skit

coffee, cup, window

Mr. No Depth Perception, family

A few family scenes where the husband has no depth perception. The funny part is that they guy doesn’t realize it. He pours his coffee and misses the cup, he looks out the window and his head goes through the window. Go crazy! Make up your own.