Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Stand In Skit

beret, scarf, dark glasses, camera, sack of flour, powder puff, white costume, 2 chairs, bucket of water, bar, glass of milk, pie

director, camera man, make-up man, hero, beautiful girl, bartender (or soda jerk), the sucker (the stand-in)

The director wears a beret, scarf, dark glasses, etc. The camera Man has a "movie camera" of some kind. Try using an old fashioned meat grinder on a tripod to look like a camera. The make-up man has a sack of flour and powder puff. The hero is dressed in white.

The skit begins with an apparent movie-making set-up. The hero is sitting in a chair, next to the girl, getting ready to kiss her, and the camera man is moving around taking pictures, the director is directing the action. The sucker, apparently intrigued with the whole thing, as he has never seen a real movie set before. He walks in front of the "camera" and interrupts the action.

Sucker: Wow, a real movie. I wish I could be in a movie
Director: (in rage) CUT! CUT! You! Get out of here! You've just ruined a perfect take! Beat it! Scram!
Sucker: (runs off disappointed) Shucks. I sure wish I could be a movie star.
Director: (thinks a second) Hey! Wait a minute! You! (points to the sucker) Do you want to be in a movie? I think we can use you! (he whispers to the hero something and they both smile.)
Sucker: (overjoyed) Really! Wow! I'm a star! Oh boy! Where do I start? Where are my lines?...
Director: Just wait a minute and we'll show you.

The action continues, and the hero sits again by the girl, says a bunch of mushy things to her, and then starts to kiss her. When he does, she brings back her hand to slap the hero's face...

Director: Cut! O.K., bring in the stand-in! (The sucker takes the place of the hero in the chair) Make-up! (The make-up man comes in and throws a bunch of flour in the sucker's face.) Action!

The sucker starts to kiss the girl and she slaps him across the face so hard that he falls over backwards in his chair.

Director: Cut! Great! All right let's have scene two...Action!

The hero crawls along the floor, crying "Water, water, give me some water..."

Director: Cut! Bring in the stand-in! (He comes in and takes the hero's place) Make-up! (Make-up man throws more flour in his face.) Action! Roll-em!

The sucker crawls along the ground and yells "water." An off-stage helper brings in a big bucket of water and dumps it all over him.

Director: Cut! Perfect! All right, let's have scene three...Action!

The hero walks up to a bar and orders some milk. The bartender gives him some milk and he drinks it. Then he orders some pie.

Bartender: Do you really want some pie?
The hero: Yeah, give me some pie.

The bartender reaches for some pie...

Director: Cut! Bring in the stand in! (The sucker enters looking pretty bewildered at the whole thing)... make up... (He gets more flour in the face)... action!

The sucker stands at the bar, demands the pie, and the bartender throws the pie (big cream pie) in his face.

Director: Cut...Perfect... Tremendous! ... Well, that's it for today!

Everybody leaves, leaving the stand-in with a puzzled look on his face. He shrugs his shoulders and walks off stage.

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