Monday, August 30, 2010

Naked Bacon Skit

Materials:
none

Characters:
Roadie, Rowdy

Directions:
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "he's chasin' me."
Rowdy: What?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "he's chasin' me."
Rowdy: What are you talking about?
Roadie: I just -- just a second -- I just didn't hear him say, "He's chasin' me." If I had heard him say "he's chasin' me", I'd have chased him.
Rowdy: Are you telling me that I didn't say, "He's chasin' me"?
Roadie: I didn't say that you didn't say, "He's chasin' me". I didn't hear you say, "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Oh, you didn't hear me say, "He's chasin' me".
Roadie: If I had heard you say, "He's chasin' me", I would have chased him. If I could live my life all over again, I would.
Rowdy: Don't make a big deal out of this. It is not necessary. I just wanted to know if you heard me say, "He's chasin' me", and you said, "No". You answered my question. Now... did you hear me say anything?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say, "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: I didn't ask, "Did you hear me say "He's chasin' me" I asked, "Did you hear me say anything?"
Roadie: Yeah, but you're trying to get me to say that I heard you say, "He's chasin' me." I didn't hear you say...
Rowdy: No, I am not. I am asking Roadie a simple, straight forward question. I'm asking Roadie, it's a yes-or-no question, did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?
Roadie: I didn't hear you say "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Did you hear me say anything? Yes or No?
Roadie: Yes
Rowdy: Yes, what?
Roadie: Yes, sir.
Rowdy: That is not the answer I am looking for.
Roadie: No, sir.
Rowdy: No is not right either.
Roadie: If yes and no are wrong, then I don't have a choice. I am wrong either way.
Rowdy: This is a two part question... not a yes or no question. First part, did you hear me say anything? And you said, "Yes."
Roadie: Yes.
Rowdy: You said yes and no. Which is it? Yes or no?
Roadie: I heard you say something.
Rowdy: Oh, you did?
Roadie: Yes.
Rowdy: What do you think you thought you heard?
Roadie: I didn't think I thought I heard you say "He's chasin' me."
Rowdy: Well, what do you think you thought I said?
Roadie: I didn't think I thought what I heard is what you said.
Rowdy: I don't want you to think about what you think I thought. I just want you to tell me what you think you thought you heard.
Roadie: I didn't think I thought I heard what you think you thought you said.
Rowdy: I know what I said. I said, "He's chasin' me."
Roadie: I think that--yes, I heard, yes sir, something, no sir. . .
Rowdy: Don't go on and on. I just want to know what you think you thought you heard. If it didn't sound like, "He's chasin' me," what did it sound like to you?
Roadie: It didn't sound like you said, "He chasin' me."
Rowdy: Than what did it sound like?
Roadie: It sounded like I thought I heard you say, "Naked" or "Bacon" or "Naked Bacon."
Rowdy: Of course, that makes all the sense in the world. I'm going to run through here, stop, turn to Roadie, and say, "Naked Bacon."
Roadie: It didn't make any sense to me either. So I just ignored him.
Rowdy: I know Roadie believes he understands what he thinks he thought I said, but I'm not sure he realizes that what he thought he heard is not what I meant. Do you understand, I did not say, "Naked bacon?"
Roadie: Then I apologize. I'm sure--with enthusiasm--you did say, "He's chasin' me." So it is my fault, I just didn't hear you.
Rowdy: What were you doing?
Roadie: I was nervous. I was taking a mental nap.
Rowdy: A mental nap?
Roadie: With a capital "R." I just didn't hear you. I was emotionally vague.
Rowdy: You were emotionally vague. Now what does that mean?
Roadie: It's a point of view.
Rowdy: Uh-huh.
Roadie: With no target.
Rowdy: This is obviously going no where.
Roadie: Thank you very much.
Rowdy: It wasn't a compliment.

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